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| feeling a bit homesick | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 2 2010, 09:07:38 PM (1,698 Views) | |
| staylor8383 | Mar 2 2010, 09:07:38 PM Post #1 |
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True Blue Mate
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the last week has been very rough! i have been pretty ok and felt settled here but then my sister went in labor and it all fell apart! She's my only sibling and we are pretty close so its been the hardest being away from her. I went home in september when she got married and actually looked forward to getting back here. after she called me to say she was in labor i cried for the next few days every time i thought about it or saw the pics of my nephew. it has felt awful not being able to be there and missing out on this big moment. i really was hoping to be able to go back to the states to be there when she had him but that wasnt possible. i are thinking about going in may with all 3 kids! i must be homesick to be that crazy!! my family doesnt make it very easy either. they really want us to move back and are trying very hard to make it happen. I think about giving in and going home but i'm not ready to give up yet. As much as i hate darwin I keep telling myself it will get better. |
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| TerritorianTori | Mar 3 2010, 05:12:21 AM Post #2 |
Dance to disco
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 I really do understand. There's a lot I've missed out on over the years - my grandmother's funeral, one brother's wedding, another brother's baby, tons of family reunions. It's as if life has moved on without you. And in some ways, I guess, it has.  I wish I could say it gets easier. Maybe it does. Or maybe I've just gotten used to it. Sometimes I tell myself that I don't care about these people anyway. Other times, I miss my mother. It's a strange dichotomy for me. Either way, homesickness is a valid emotion. Don't be afraid to feel it. You're not crazy. You're human. If you can go back in May with all the kiddos, then do it! By all means, get to know your new nephew and spend some quality time with your family. "Seize the day, for it may never come again." And if you do end up moving back, it's not a failure. We all do whatever we gotta do, when it comes down to it. Sorry if this sounds disjointed. I need to get some sleep. 
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 South Texas to the Northern Territory - since 2004 I'm a huge fan of... Angry Video Game Nerd | The Big Bang Theory | Doctor Who | Pet Shop Boys | Yanks Down Under ~ Americans living in Australia Avatar by Sketch Shop Boys | |
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| punker79 | Mar 9 2010, 11:19:11 AM Post #3 |
Chinwagger
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i haven't been really active on this board, but when i get a chance to browse and stuff, i know that i'm not alone with my feelings. i moved to brisbane, september of 2008. i got a job within 2 weeks of my moving here and then found a full time job within 2 months. but i cried so much the first few months from missing my family back in california. my husband was great about comforting me, but he couldnt truly understand what i was feeling. november of last year i was forced to quit my job and i've had no success since then in finding a replacement. its been really rough lately and sometimes i wonder the same thing. should i just leave it all and go back? i'm not an incapable person, but trying to find my place in this new city is pretty difficult. i'll have my permanent residency soon and i cant believe that its been nearly 2 full years. it doesnt seem at all that i've accomplished anything. i guess with time things will seem easier. homesickness wont ever leave i assume, its just how we choose to cope with it. so i hope that you get to see your family soon!  ps: sorry if this didnt make sense! i usually dont haha!
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| AmbroseChick | Mar 12 2010, 05:56:40 PM Post #4 |
True Blue Mate
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Staylor - do you have Skype? Its helped me a lot because I can at least see the people I'm talking to plus its FREE! I thank God every day for Skype. Technology has helped me feel not too homesick plus I have my boys here. Having a wonderful church community has helped me a lot as well. I keep telling myself that I knew it was going to be different and that if I wanted things to be the same then I would still be back in the U.S. My husband (the Aussie) was totally against the idea of moving back to Australia but he loves it and to be honest with you - I love it here too. I love the weather, I love my new house... I'm freaked out about the driving thing but I never liked driving much back in the US either. I love my kids' schools. I do miss my friends - I used to go out to lunch with girlfriends a couple of times a week and its been a bit blah staying home all day with no one to call or go shopping with or go out to lunch with. I'm looking forward to having my residency so I can look for a job - nothing major just something to do a couple of days a week and give us the extra cash to pay for this very expensive country. |
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| TerritorianTori | Mar 13 2010, 12:29:09 AM Post #5 |
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Dance to disco
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I'm glad that you're loving your new life, AmbroseChick! I've just added Skype and it looks like a good program. Before that, we used Yahoo and other chat mediums that allowed for video feed. It's great to live in an age where technology allows us to stay in contact no matter where we are in the world. I think, though, that homesickness strikes hardest when those important events happen - like births, weddings, funerals, holidays. And unfortunately, not all families are good about keeping in contact over time. My own relatives (aside from my parents) have never been outside of the US and Australia might as well be on another planet. After almost 6 years, I've become "that distant cousin that people sometimes talk about at family reunions". Their knowledge of me is limited to my Facebook updates. I guess that's OK because I'm used to it, but I can only imagine how I'd feel if I was once incredibly close to my extended family. In fact, recently I was going through a depressive period and missing my mother. Hopefully she and my dad will be visiting again after my brother's marriage celebration... in June... |
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South Texas to the Northern Territory - since 2004 I'm a huge fan of... Angry Video Game Nerd | The Big Bang Theory | Doctor Who | Pet Shop Boys | Yanks Down Under ~ Americans living in Australia Avatar by Sketch Shop Boys | |
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| RachaelK | Mar 13 2010, 09:32:31 AM Post #6 |
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True Blue Mate
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Another nice thing about Skype that helps to kill the homesickness is if you get a 'Skype to Go' number - you can dial it from your mobile and pay for it like a local call. It helps for those pangs that hit you out of nowhere or when you wish you could just call home to get an opinion or hear a voice but aren't at your computer. I pick somebody new to call on Sunday mornings each week so I can keep in touch with everyone. It only costs me about $5/mo to call landlines unlimited. Good for 2 hour talks with my mom if I go a couple of weeks without calling! |
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| TerritorianTori | Mar 13 2010, 10:03:14 AM Post #7 |
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Dance to disco
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Thinking about it some more... I don't think I really get "homesick" anymore, in the sense that I miss being back in my old life in the States. This IS my home and my life. If I went back now (and it's been 4 years since I've visited), I think I'd go into reverse culture shock. Maybe a better word for it is "Mommyitis". 
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South Texas to the Northern Territory - since 2004 I'm a huge fan of... Angry Video Game Nerd | The Big Bang Theory | Doctor Who | Pet Shop Boys | Yanks Down Under ~ Americans living in Australia Avatar by Sketch Shop Boys | |
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| shylady | Mar 13 2010, 11:47:38 AM Post #8 |
oldYank
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You're right, Tors, it was really strange when I went back last year, for the first time in 4 years. Sure, it was nice to see people that I may never see again, but I haven't been "homesick" since I moved here. THIS is my home! I, too, use Skype to see my grandkids and they show me their "stuff," and yes it would be nice to be able to cuddle them, but I'm extremely happy here. I don't have any plans to make another trip there anytime soon. I think it's "their turn" to visit me, and I will help with tickets, should they decide to visit. Although a month wasn't long enough to see everyone I was hoping to see, I found myself wishing I was HOME in Australia, the entire month! Lisa |
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"I could’ve turned a different corner, I could’ve gone another place... " ku,'09 | |
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| TerritorianTori | Mar 13 2010, 06:04:58 PM Post #9 |
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Dance to disco
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I hope they decide to come over for a visit!
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South Texas to the Northern Territory - since 2004 I'm a huge fan of... Angry Video Game Nerd | The Big Bang Theory | Doctor Who | Pet Shop Boys | Yanks Down Under ~ Americans living in Australia Avatar by Sketch Shop Boys | |
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| blarg | Mar 13 2010, 06:10:05 PM Post #10 |
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True Blue Mate
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You can also get a number in the US that they can call like any normal phone number that then rings to your skype account. Set up forwarding to your land line, and voila, they call a local number, your phone rings in Australia, and you pick it up. I have an unlimited country subscription to the US so I can talk to anyone I want for as long as I want. It's cheap. Or you could buy a skype phone, but that's expensive. :-) |
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| Janda | Mar 13 2010, 07:37:37 PM Post #11 |
True Blue Mate
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I totally feel your pain! My 22 year old daughter is married and living in the states. She called me and told me she was pregnant and I cried from happiness but also cried because I knew I would miss it all and not only the birth but my grandsons life and that I would probably not be much of a part of it from way over here. I spent 9 months on an emotional roller coaster. When she went into labor I stayed up right by the phone and kept calling her hospital room to check on her and be sure she and the baby were ok. Needless to say, I didn't even attempt to go to bed that night. Now that he is born I want to go back so I can hold him and snuggle him but it is impossible. The expense of flying back right now is beyond us because we are attempting to pay off debt we accumulated during the visa process so we can buy a house in a couple of years. There are 4 of us and I wouldn't be justified flying home and leaving anyone behind because it would be torture to leave them behind. It is hard but I just make sure I keep on her about taking pics for me and I make sure I call her often so that I feel like at least I'm there in some way. She has promised to show him pics of me and I guess when he is older we will arrange webcam visits. It is so hard not even touching my first Grandchild but hopefully that money tree we planted in our back yard will actually grow and we will be able to make a visit to America sooner than we think :P |
 "I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose" www.JandaDesigns.com.au - Custom Web Design, Web Site Hosting, Cheap Domain Name Registration. | |
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| Johnnynero | Mar 19 2010, 09:48:56 AM Post #12 |
Anklebiter
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I moved here with my Aussie wife and our 2 year old in October and have been up and down with homesickness or whatever you want to call it... I found a "good" job in 3 weeks and we moved into our own place in December and I use skype to keep in touch with my Mom and am on Facebook quite a bit to keep in touch with friends... But this just doesn't feel like home to me and I miss the US more and more all the time it seems. I left a successful career with a great company that I'd been with for 10 years and had intended on working for until I retired; left behind a personally satisfying involvement in community theatre and local performing arts; left behind a comfortable life with nice "stuff" and a nice small town exisitance... Left behind relationships and friendships I'd spent a lifetime building (I'm 48). Lately I keep thinking about everything I left behind, you know? I've had friends from home ask if I'm happy and I hem and haw and say that I didn't make this decision for me - I made it for my wife and son. She's happier because she's back with her family and couple of close friends and in the city she grew up in. She's happy that her father and our son can create a relationship. I am glad that our son gets to be around his grandfather but think about how my mother in the US doesn't get to have a good relationship with him and watch him grow... but aside from those points... I'm just not happy here. I don't feel like this is where I want to spend the rest of my life and, contrary to what I felt before moving here, I don't feel that this is necessarily the "best place with the best options" to raise our son. I don't know... I'm usually a very optomistic person but I find myself not wanting to even begin creating more of a life here or acquiring more possessions that tie us to Adelaide. This is a beautiful place with a lot to offer... but I'm having trouble seeing that anymore. Going home isn't really an option at this point, though... What is there to go back to? Sold virtually everything before we left and we'd be starting over from scratch there... Sometimes I feel like this was a bad decision that I'm just going to have to live with... This is such a damn catch 22... Sorry for rambling; I'm sure everybody on this board has felt like this, too... Guess I just need to vent a bit. |
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| AmbroseChick | Mar 19 2010, 11:30:03 AM Post #13 |
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True Blue Mate
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Hi Johnny - thanks for posting that and being honest. I think its good to vent and I think that this is a safe place to do it especially because sometimes our "challenges" that we have with Australia aren't always taken very well by our spouses or other Australians... so yeah vent away. I used to live in Iowa and I know what its like to live in the midwest having grown up there. I've never been to Adelaide but I know that my area of Australia (Gold Coast Queensland) is not the friendliest place that I've ever been and thats been a bit of an adjustment for me. I came from a small town just north of Portland, Oregon before we emigrated and living in a big city again has been the hardest change. What have been some of the good changes for you (not your wife or your son) since the move? I used to work in drug and alcohol treatment and one of the things we used to tell our clients was "Fake it till you make it"... in other words what would happen to your outlook if you just took on the different attitude toward the move even though you might not be feeling it yet. Also, it sounds like you are in the middle of a huge grieving process for your old life. I think sometimes when we get distance from something it can take on an aura of being something much better then we remember especially if we aren't happy in the moment we are living in right now. I'm not sure where in the process you are but I just wanted to let you know that I'm incredibly happy about being here and there are still days that I think I'm completely mental for ever leaving home. |
| Check it out! Facebook page: Americans Living in Queensland | |
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| koalamama | Mar 19 2010, 12:03:00 PM Post #14 |
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True Blue Mate
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Johnny, feel free to PM me if you like. I know exactly how you feel.. if I could take it back my agreement to this move, I would, but some good things have some out of it. It's fairly early days for you and you may feel better in time. I didn't, after giving it 200% here, so we are moving back. It's a leap of faith as we are starting completely from scratch too, but if it gets to that point, you can do it too.
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| TerritorianTori | Mar 19 2010, 03:54:08 PM Post #15 |
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Dance to disco
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 That's one of the biggest reasons why this site exists.Glad to see you back on here, Megan. I had wondered what happened to your family, how you guys were getting on. I hope your move back to the States goes smoothly!
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South Texas to the Northern Territory - since 2004 I'm a huge fan of... Angry Video Game Nerd | The Big Bang Theory | Doctor Who | Pet Shop Boys | Yanks Down Under ~ Americans living in Australia Avatar by Sketch Shop Boys | |
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| koalamama | Mar 20 2010, 06:10:50 AM Post #16 |
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True Blue Mate
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Thanks Tors
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| canaussie | Mar 22 2010, 11:10:34 AM Post #17 |
True Blue Mate
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Sorry you are having a difficult time settling in Johnny, I do think that 6 months isn't really long enough though. When I first moved to OZ (Darwin) in 1999, I had a REALLY difficult time settling in, probably in my case, it was because I had children that stayed behind. I wanted to go home sooooooo bad (I moved here to be with my then soon-to-be Australian husband). I was torn between home and staying here with him. I couldn't compare things at home to things here because the Australian used to get pissed off when I did. So I felt stiffled in a way. I was homesick, but felt like I couldn't talk about it without getting my head bitten off. I knew no one and I had no support (message boards or anything else). I'm sure there were moments shortly after we married that I was ready to toss it in and run home, but I got pregnant and I stuck it out with him. We also had ALOT of issues with his kids and his ex which put an enormous amount of pressure on me and our new marriage. Whenever I threatened to go home, he told me I could go but he wouldn't let me take our daughter, and I wasn't about to leave her behind. Anyway, we stuck it out, we rode the storms and after 3.5yrs here I managed to convince him to move to Canada with me. We struggled once we got home and then I found myself homesick for Australia and the life we had here, our routine and just our life in general! We spent just over 7 years in Canada before I convinced him to move back to Australia (he wasn't thrilled with the upheaveal again) - we also gave up alot, family, we sold our house, we had 2 cars, we had good jobs etc. We have been back here about 6 weeks and I couldn't be happier, this is home. Although he was very apprehensive, he is happy, has landed on his feet and is in a great job. My kids, now older, still stayed behind. But being here I see alot of the positives that Australia has to offer and although Canada is 'home' and will always be 'home', I don't like some of the things about it. No country is perfect, I get that. But I think we are better off here and our almost 10 yr old daughter is also better off here. The only thing I can suggest is you talk to your wife before you start to resent her because as you said you made the decision for her and your son. My husband has told me that if I wanted to go back home again, I would be going it alone. He is now 49 and it costs huge amounts of money to move internationally, there is no way we could do it again....for a 3rd time! Good luck! Edited by canaussie, Mar 22 2010, 11:13:39 AM.
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Paula (dual Canadian/Australian) married to an Aussie since 1999 and mummy to an Aussie since 2000 | |
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2010, 11:36:26 AM Post #18 |
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Deleted User
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Hi Johnny, Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I have been here for a little over nine months and I still get homesick. It's just to what degree. My boyfriend and I currently live with his parents...sooo, that makes it difficult too. I try to focus on the positive things about living here; beautiful country, my boyfriend, the luxury of not having to work right now, experiencing a different culture, etc. I do know what it is like to give up everything. I also sold, gave and threw away most of my belongings from my apartment in the States, whats left is sitting in storage in Dallas. It's amazing how much you can miss 'stuff.' I hope you are feeling better! Renee |
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| jayde | Mar 23 2010, 12:07:06 PM Post #19 |
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Yacker
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I can understand you missing all that you know and are comfortable with. it is a huge thing to change countries (even though they are not a foreign language, it can seem like it). The culture shock can be quite overwhelming, and missing people is a very normal reaction. Sometime a trip, or even making plans for a trip, has helped me to stay "sane", and it does get easier as the time goes by. The times that get to me are the ones that our family would normally be together, so the holidays like Christmas and birthdays. I echo the others using phone calls (voip is great, too) and video chats to stay in touch helps, and its just a matter of getting the timing right. Dratted timezones have meant a few calls in the middle of the night til everyone got used to the hours difference. Taking care of yourself and trying to do things that you enjoy, will not only help you feel better it may also help you make new friends too. Edited by jayde, Mar 23 2010, 12:07:30 PM.
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N400 approved Sep 2009. Australian Spouse Visa 309/100 applied for 21 Dec 2009 Medical criteria not met, so waiver application sent Medical Waived and 100 visa approved 12 July 2010  | |
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| anater | Mar 24 2010, 11:00:00 AM Post #20 |
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True Blue Mate
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Staylor and Johnny, I struggled as well, and know how difficult it can be. I'm an Australian citizen (by descent) but most of my family lives in the US now. We primarily moved over for my husband's work, but shipped everything over for a permanent move. We're moving back to the US at the end of April. We have a six year old, and I think when you have small children different factors come into play. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. Take care.
Edited by anater, Mar 24 2010, 11:04:16 AM.
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